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Miscellaneous from a young age
Thursday. 7.12.07 10:16 pm
Do you know what is love? Do I know? Anyone in this great world can ease my soul and give me my most desired answer? These were the questions of an adolescent girl at about 17 trying to solve the Riddle. These were my questions. I supposed I wasn't the only one to look for this answer. And of course, I was right. But to my greatest stupour, the majority were stopping on the way, too tired or bored to go on, leaning on the first tree at the crossroad, embracing it and calling it "my love".
I tried that myself... I turned my arms protectively around the cold rough bark, felt its coolness with my cheek, tried to reduce the space between it and me pressing my face harder against it, so that my skin waved between chunks of wood, and I called... called with the thirst of the animal in the desert... for the warm stream so longed for... For moments I thought I felt something. A drum beat coming from the heart of the tree, moving my breast with its cadence. Apeased, I almost believed I was relieved from my burdain... that I had found my house and I could finally stop walking. Stop searching. Soon fatigue vanished and a small sprout of happiness envelopped my brain protectively.
I don't even know when I realized the drum beat was long gone. I was shivering from the cold draughts of wind insinuating under my blouse, up my neck and ravaging strands of hair... Then suddenly I felt easier, in spite of the cold and the roughness, and I realized. The drum beat was in fact my own, heart pumping excited blood in my limbs... The tree was unmoved, cold, and quiet... as always.
So I decided to walk forward, always accompanied by my friend, the howling wind.

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Another soul link - chat excerpt
Monday. 3.26.07 1:17 am


Maya:
I'm totally planning to.
Maya:
make my life a garden
Maya -:
that's a garden despite good or bad weather
Maya:
i could even make it
Maya:
somewhere in the future ^_^

dadi says:
we do need to rebel and experiment
Maya:
mostly
dadi says:
hopefull without hurting others and ourselves too much
Maya:
we can always hope but that's not a criteria always


Maya :
i'm only suffering cause I'm playing the game of feelings. I'm not tired of it yet.
Maya :
getting there
dadi says:
well. feelings can be really painful and damaging
dadi says:
it is scary. heh
dadi says:
i wonder if scary is related in any way to scar scar-y
Maya:
probably
Maya :
the image would make sense
Maya :
it's something that marks you
dadi says:
we are scarred by some kind of injury and the next time we encounter it we are scary
Maya:
feelings are bad. Love is a "state" and once reached you don't play the game of feelings anymore.
Maya:
they're the illusion.
Maya:
love is the reality.
Maya:
the only one.
Maya:
And I mean universal love.
dadi says:
mmm. i don't agree. i agree that love and life are one, but death is also reality
dadi says:
and there is a lot of little deaths around us - hate, hurt
dadi says:
greed, jealousy
dadi says:
and so on....
Maya:
death is not a feeling
dadi says:
no, but it's part of our reality
Maya :
true
dadi says:
and it's not love
Maya :
death is illusion
Maya:
it's just new life.
dadi says:
i disagree. death is a force as much as love is a force
dadi says:
it may be leading to a new life
dadi says:
but it's certainly a force, an important one
Maya:
It's just rebirth.
Maya:
transformation.
dadi says:
the toltec sorceres make death their ally
dadi says:
nonetheless, there is loss in death
dadi says:
and it's fine... loss is part of life. there is no gain without los
Maya :
no one finishes their life before their time
Maya:
i would say the opposite of love and that annulates things is fear
Maya:
fear of death fear of change fear of people fear of yourself
dadi says:
yes
Maya:
hate jealousy assholeness they all reflect a type of fear
dadi says:
and a type of death
Maya:
for someone but mostly directed at what you could see in yourself if you look into
Maya:
and a type of death
dadi says:
when something breaks apart because of fear (instead of connects because of love) it dies instead of lives
Maya:
yes. Or it blocks for an indefinite time
Maya:
which is also a form of death.
dadi says:
stagnation...
dadi says:
yes
dadi says:
my feeling is that death is not always instantenous
Maya :
only if you get really lucky
dadi says:
as many legends say.. many people get stuck
dadi says:
i mean, even after you die... you may get stuck for a while
Maya :
then it's a block, one that lasts for a while. It is stagnantion. I would call it "small death"
Maya :
It leads to the same thing it just takes longer
dadi says:
but anyways. we're with our heads up. we may acknoledge death and remember it as a reference point
dadi says:
but our beaks are pointing to the sky as long as we can hold our heads,
dadi says:
and we might just fly
dadi says:
i should continue to do some work here.
Maya:
you should

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Rambling at past midnight
Wednesday. 3.21.07 12:49 am



Today is just one of those days I float between different and uncoherent thoughts. I do not know if they are supposed to make in the end the image of something larger, something that could give a clue to the goal of my existance, moreso a clue that feels "real". I do believe that, to a certain extent I am aware of what life should lead to, or I had glimpses of, but generally "thanks to" the human skill to drown the spiritual goals into the everyday commonness, I as fast forgot...

When I was a child I was very sure that the dream life is "real" and what we perceive through "reality" is but a dream. I cannot say that that feeling has vanished off, though it certainly lost some polish given by innocent curiosity. I am one of those that were able to "control" dreams to a certain point. I say "to a certain point" because I always had a scenario that was predetermined and I moved the strings of the puppets who made my "actors" into the same stage. I didn't really know what I was holding. I found that controlling my dreams to that extent was depriving them from the freedom to offer me some clues about the life. Which usually happened, or so I felt. It seems but a child's story now but for 3 consecutive days after a New Year's Eve I had prescient dreams about the same day. Not symbolic, but truthful to the very smallest details. How is that to assure you that dreams are "real life" and life but revolves around in a faded attempt to duplicate them...

Another "marker" in my dream life were the ones in 3 consecutive days where I thought myself how to fly. And from there on I always could. With some fears and different backgrounds, but no matter what, the mental awareness that "there is no spoon" was very present in them and doing its job very well...

Finally the prescient dream about a place that I never saw and I was about to visit, a very special place that, to a certain extent, changed my life. Or maybe just got it back on the secure track.

Following my implication in the material life the dreams have become more cryptic or more symbolic. The more I believe in the world around me, dreams offer me a little less comfort. And the general feeling is that I am missing my main frame, the frame that puts me in contact with all the rest of humanity.

Ramblings at midnight or not, maybe this is what dreams are. It's the place we meet everyone and re-make the great connection with the Creation. Whereas "living" is where we convince ourselves that we are separated from everything... I must say, the sadness lies right here. I am going back to sleep, and to hug a person that is certainly my soul link and has totally forgotten...

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Free!
Tuesday. 3.6.07 10:08 pm



I know this is a bit of a cliche now, but I hope people have been away from Firefly enough so that this is not annoying hehe.This is how I feel.. It's magical.


Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me
Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't comin' back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me
There's no place I can be
Since I found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me...

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Oh yes!
Friday. 2.23.07 3:25 pm


Happy belated New Year of the Pig!

For the first time in my life I have been to a "proper" new "chinese" year ceremony... infused with chanting, a little bit of meditation, some Dhamma talk, and a lot of smiling monks that seem to spread happiness around. That impressed me to the core... thier face, their smile... they seemed like accomplished people... not the kind that have found the ultimate answer, but people who feel and know that are at the right place at the right time all the time... isn't that something?

To see that is incredibly refreshing... since I myself doubt the timing or place or me or my actions most of the time, looking for the perfect balance.

But being there made me feel a little the same way. Like everything is as it is supposed to be and there's no coincidence in our actions. (and that is an interesting concept that I will have to make another post about... the "incredible" coincidences of my life). I've befriended a monk that seems to travel around a lot and gave me the link to his most recent trip to Sri Lanka, since I manifested interest in seeing those "Oriental" countries myself. Since he made it quite clear that "I can do no matter what I want with his images", meaning his only goal is to share what he's seen (hey, he's a good photographer too!:), there's the link. Hope you will like it and it will change your perception for a while like it did to me (don't forget I am stuck in Canada with really sucky weather at the moment.)

Enjoy!:)


http://www.pbase.com/kaso/lanka

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Looking not at eachother, but together towards the same horizon
Sunday. 2.11.07 2:40 pm



I am tainted and plagued by my own mind's workings. I realise it and every day I struggle to clean my mind, thus making my life easier.

There is one simple truth I understood, and I believe that also makes a quote of someone with far more celebrity and wits than me: there is nothing good or bad, thinking makes it so. I will refer again to the previous post with the 5 agregates. Since our mind is trained to run from or embrace something or someone that we like or dislike, we are never free to spend our lives in peaceful calm. Well, unlss your life makes it that way that EVERYTHING coming your way is actually "pleasant". And if it is, you become greedy. You want more of it. You get attached to it and will want that it never stops, or disappears. Thus not being the nature of things in this reality, where everything transforms permanently and everything is bound to ephemerity, this which we think "pleasant" now will lead to suffering later.

The only possible refuge from the workings of misery, wether now or later, is to permanently see things as they really are and be objective. Ecuanimity. Accept change and walk with it. If the waves are shifting underneath you and the high tide is coming, will you not be engulfed by the water if you refuse to change your position and adapt to them every second? So will us if we are determined to see ourselves, an object or person as unchangeable every day. The Chinese (I believe) have a wise proverb saying that if you look at a river, every second you see something different, because the water that is flowing is always a new one every moment. Such is truth about people too.

So again, our pleasures, as our miseries are coming from the inner workings of our mind. It is not only the change, but also what we make of it. If you had someone dear that treated you well one day, then for some reason the next day the person is grumpy and says something that diminishes you just because he or she is in a bad mood, your mind interprets it as "Oh, he doesn't like me anymore. But why, what did I do?" The change has nothing to do with you, your presence, your absence, your actions, but wth the inner workings of that person's mind and how he let the chain of action-reaction act. It might even be something as simple as he slept in a bad position and his mind, not being trained to observe the chain, went straight to the reaction. "I am uncomfortable - I don't like it - I am frustrated - must express frustration " and you go around hurting someone else. (Seriously, how often have you done it? I know I'm doing it, and when I actually think about what I have done, I can barely believe that I can be in such little control of my mind that it spills like this... around me and ruins the day for someone else). How many, just how many times a day do we do this sort of thing, jumping straight to reactions, when we are not even aware of what srtarted them? The only possible way to break this chain is to hold back the reaction.

It is the same with "love" and the other forms of love. "Ohhhh I am inlove with this person!" why? "Because she is beautiful/ because she makes me feel so great, like I have no flaw/ because she is nice". If it is beauty, we become attached to it, greedily wanna posess it and call it "ours", or let people see it in association with "us", thus letting us bask in the feeling of infatuation. So is it that person that makes us "happy" or our own infatuation? If she makes you fel great, by praising you and your deeds, then your ego is flaming. "Ohhhh I feel so good and appreciated!" Is it this person that makes you happy or is it she's boosting your ego? If she is nice, then you get attached to it. You want her to be nice every day, and if she one day stops being nice because of well, life, so she is in a bad mood, then you're like "Oh she is not nice anymore. I don't like her anymore". Is this love? Is any of this love? This is why the purest form of "love" is simply and naturally altruistic action. Ideally towards everyone, and particularly with someone you want to spend your time with and raise babies. Or whatever floats your boat. But someone who will remind you of these things when you forget them. Someone who's truly your friend and means you well. Someone you are not looking at, but with whom you're looking towards the same end.

I really didn't plan on writing about romance, it must be Valentine's spells working... or something! :P

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